Oh I get it! Buenos Aires? That is sick! What made you move there ?
Thank you, I really love telling that story. I’m glad it touched you :)
When hard times fall into my life, I start missing my Grandpa Wolfe real bad. He was the only person in this entire world that could make me feel better. If anyone else in my family tried to help me or give me advice, I would get annoyed and shut them out. Not my Grandpa though, for some reason his words eased me and he could always make me laugh and know everything was going to be okay. I have been thinking about him a lot lately, laughing at all the sayings he had, crying because I just want to hear “It’s okay baby, we got each other .. who needs em’”. Or “Don’t even go to school stay here and hang out with me, I’ll teach you everything you need to know … now, that is the quarter-back and the other one is the line-backer”.
Recently I told one of my best friends, Ozzie, about the end of his life. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t heard the story. I love telling the story because it makes me happy I got to say goodbye the right way to the main man in my life, it also is the reason I believe in love. My Grandpa and Mimi were a match maid in heaven. In my 20 years of knowing them, and spending all of my time with them .. I never saw them fight. I never saw them raise their voice to one another, and they rarely spent any time apart. My Grandpa saved my Mimi from an abusive marriage. Her husband at the time was so cruel to her and my Grandpa stepped in and saved her life.
When I got the call from my mom to come say goodbye, I had never been so scared in my entire life. My Mimi didn’t want to come, she said she couldn’t see him like that. When I got there he was unable to see or talk, but he could hear. I got to tell him he was the best Grandpa I ever had, he taught me everything I know, and how much I loved him. I sat by his side for a few hours, waiting for him to let go … but he wasn’t letting go. You could tell he was in pain and was fighting to stay alive. I got really frustrated because it was so hard to see, so yelled up to God asking if he was really there, to make something happen because none of us could take it anymore. At that very moment, my Mimi called my aunt and told her she wanted to be there. My aunt got in the car and hauled ass to go get her. You could tell he knew what was going on because he was struggling to stay with us. I kept talking to him, telling him it was okay if he left, we were all there and loved him .. but he wouldn’t let go. I’ll never forget sitting next to him, holding his hand, as my Mimi runs through the door, holds him in her arms and says “You are my knight and shining armor, You are my knight and shining armor”, and then he left. He waited for her, he knew she wasn’t there and he waited for her so he could truly rest in peace. That is what love is, holding on to your last breath for the one you love. I want that, I know I deserve it too. Leave it to my Grandpa to go out with a bang though, always has to be the center of attention and make everything amazing :)
And all of you who think wolf-packs are funny and from some dumb movie about a bunch of dudes in vegas, seriously go hit your head on a rock. My grandfather has called my family a wolf-pack since my mother and her 83939 brothers and sisters were born. HENCE my baby wolf paw’s on my arm, because I was the baby wolf.
Miss you Grandpa, every single day.
Am I the only one that never thought the “Hide your kids, Hide your wife” thing was funny?
Thank you so much. It really helps knowing there are other people out there that know where I am coming from. I hope things start looking up for you as well ;)
I am going through a really hard time right now. I think everything that has happened to me in the last few months has finally caught up, and it is scary. I am fucking scared. I need to take this time and work on myself, no distractions .. which is what I am so good at doing, distracting myself. I have never been one to deal with … feelings. I shrug things off and move on quickly, never letting myself fully heal. Well, it is time to heal. It has gotten to the point where I am physically making myself sick. My body is withering away along with my confidence and heart. I want to feel like Jessi again, I don’t like this person I have become. I need to love myself again, I want to be a girl a man can be proud of, that my family can be proud of, but mostly that I can be proud of. I thought I knew what I wanted, I honestly believed that this was the right thing for me and I was crushed when things didn’t go the way I had hoped .. but now I know I was just scared because it would mean I would have to finally deal with the monsters inside me. This is for the better and I can finally breathe easy knowing I am headed on the right path. It’s going to be hard, and this might not have made sense .. but it felt really good to write it. I know what I am capable of, I know what I am worth, and I won’t settle for anything less.
No not yet. A room opened up in a house I am obsessed with so I’ve decided to stick around LA for a bit. I also want to know what LA is like without having a shitty retail job.
Right now I am tucked under my fluffy white comforter, last night’s make up smeared across my face, stringy hair tangled and plopped on top of my head, and a creepy grin on my face. It is super overcast out today, which means I am one happy lady. Usually, when I stumble home the next day, there are about 10 people sleeping in my apartment .. but alas, there were no bodies to be found this morning. I am wondering, and worrying, where the hell is everyone? I was promised sourdough pancakes this morning, where the hell are those as well?
anyways …
I feel so disconnected from my Tumblr family, so I shall update you on what is going on in my hum-drum life.
-Quit my job
-Moved into an apartment building where 50% of my friends live
-Moving out to live in the cutest house on earth 2 blocks down with some pretty rad people.
-I’m going to have a washer & dryer …… you guys ….. you have no idea how long I have been waiting for this.
-On the job hunt, doing a styling gig for a photo-shoot, possibly getting a PA job, really enjoying not working though .. which is dangerous.
-Developed some stomach virus that causes me to be sick after almost everything I eat.
I am really hungover and don’t want to finish this, bye.
edit: It is now 10 pm, I am still hungover, but I found all of my friends. I went to see Easy A with some friends today, ate Chipotle, came home to nap and then went to Chilli Addiction. Needless to say my day was extremely productive …………. if productive means lazy.
I love wasteland, jet rag, slow, fairfax flea market on sunday’s, the H&M in century city is amazing (and I really don’t like H&M), Pop Killer, and then there is always the shops on Robertson, Beverly Center, or the Americana in glendale.
